Paper Clips

Have you ever straightened a colored paper clip? Have you ever made little bends and twists in it? Have you ever rotated it slowly between your thumb and forefinger? Have you ever watched the shapes, the angles and length change as you rotated it? Have you ever spun it really fast and watched the tracers? Have you ever spun it really fast and watched what was under the tracers stain with the color of the paper clip? Have you ever changed the bends and twists and then rotated it between your thumb and forefinger? Have you ever spun it really fast and watched the tracers? Have you ever spun it really fast and watched what was under the tracers stain with the color of the paper clip? Have you ever looked at your hands while you were spinning between your thumb and forefinger a straightened colored paper clip with twists and bends whose tracers stained what was under them with the color of the paper clip? Have you ever had your hands be so far away? Have you ever had your hands numb and senseless? Have you ever had your hands look like they weren’t yours? Have you ever had your hands with all the scars that you carved into it look like they were someone else’s? Have you ever sat there staring at your hand as you spun a straightened colored paper clip between your thumb and forefinger as the tracers stained whatever was under it with the color of the paper clip not knowing when all this happened to you? Have you ever sat there and had your body feel like it was not yours? Have you ever sat there and had your body feel numb and senseless? Have you ever sat there knowing that this body you have loathed was not yours? Have you ever sat there knowing that all the memories that you regretted are not yours? Have you ever sat there knowing that this life that you have hated was not yours? Have you ever sat there with a straightened colored paper clip between your thumb and forefinger spinning mourning a hated life not lived? Have you ever felt a huge wave of sadness suffocate you? Have you ever felt the huge wave of sadness engulf you and drown you into apathy? Have you ever been so apathetic that the energy for suicide was not there and you sat there with a straightened paper clip between your thumb and forefinger spinning? Have you ever watched the apathy sever the ties that may feed a desire for life? Have you ever sat there loving and hating, hating and loving, spinning a straightened colored paper clip between your thumb and forefinger? Have you sat there with a straightened paper clip between your thumb and forefinger with all its twists and bends hating your pathetic existence? Have you ever wanted to die so much that it had already started to happen? Have you ever wanted to die so much that you sat there with a straightened colored paper clip with bends and twists between your thumb and forefinger spinning with the tracers staining what’s beneath with its color?