I believe in DSM

I'm not sure why I would want to blog about my bipolar, but I guess I need to start this blog with some kind of first post.

I want to throw my emotions out at everyone, I already do that with people I know and people I just meet, and there is a certain excitement in being able to do that with even more people. My emotions have been the source of so much drama in my life and so that might be a good explanation for my indulgence. Its not much of an explanation for my exhibitionism, but when I think about it. Growing up, so much of who I am, what happened to me and things I believed in had to be hidden. Society loves the secrets, so people can get their little thrills with their expose' of other people and can feel a bit better about their own secrets. I hate the silence and I hate the shame. Exhibitionism is my big FUCK YOU to everyone and everything that has every made me feel ashamed of any part of who I am.

Maintaining this blog is going to be very inconsistent. I expect that there will be days where I might post a thousand million times and othertimewhere I just won't for months.

Depending on whether or not I'm having a day where I'm a DSM believer or not, whether or not I acknowledge the existence of bipolar. If I believe in the DSM then I believe I'm bipolar.

This is how I feel* about being bipolar:
1. Isolated (from the people I care about)
2. Alienated (from general society)
3. Flawed (unable to perform academically)
4. Angry (I don't know where to start or where to end with that one)
5. "Poor me" (Not too hard to figure that one out)
6. Desperate
8. Frustrated
9. Fed up (that this is something I'm stuck with)
10. Confused (about what it means to acknowledge that I am bipolar)
11. Scared (that another episode is just around the corner)
12. Optimistic (that some manic high will enlighten me)

(I love parathensis, the content becomes optional. One can read it or skip over it. Its an after thought, a clarification, but best of all it's optional)


*Please note that the use of the word feelings to describe the list of words is incorrect word choice. Some of the words listed below are not feelings. For an inventory on words that fall under the category of feelings go to http://www.cnvc.org/feelings.htm.