Lessons of Impermanence

If anything, the greatest lesson learnt was from my bipolar disorder/order. Everything was fleeting, changeable, always impermanent. First manifested in my moods then spilling over to every other aspect of my life: My emotions, my desires, my thoughts, my perceptions, my beliefs, my relationships. At first it was hard; trying to maintain some kind of consistency and stability in my mood, my search for neurotransmitter permanence, resist the constant influx of mood changes. Failed attempts at mood stability, spilling over and allowing an acceptance of the transience of everything else: My emotions, my desires, my thoughts, my perceptions, my beliefs, my relationships. The ephemerality bred my “grain of salt” mentality. I have ceased to take anything seriously, my militant opinions, my dreams, my revelations, my realizations, my oh so intense emotions. Impermanent. I wait for my feelings towards you to fleet, I wait, I wait, and I wait. I’m still waiting. This scares me, I’m still waiting. When I woke up today, I realized they just got too damn serious and I couldn’t take them with a grain salt anymore. It’s been a long wait for how I feel about you to fleet. I’m still waiting.