Define: Self Harm

Writing in a post drunken stupor. Slightly cringing about the things said and done. Not cringing too much because been there done that a million times since I can remember, the embarassment gets old.
The question of medication comes into mind, would all of this have been avoided had I been on medication?
Too much energy in me, I felt like a nuclear reactor ready to burst onto my white walls. Bubbling under my skin, ready to fizz over the rims of my head if I could just let out some air. The pressure inside me would have eased a bit.
The most constructive handling of this is using hash. An illegal substance (ha ha ha). I can't seem to get myself any for the last month. So a good strong dose of beer, vodka, wine and major social embarassment was the substitute.
I've been on seroquel. It might cause diabetes. I've been on Lustral, Stablon, Zyprexa, Effexor, Tegretol, Risperidal, Depreban, Lithium, Oh sweet lithium, My head turned into a bumpy cube. Something I wish I had taken pictures of.
I woke up remembering the night before, an instant cerebral label kept resounding in my head, "self harm". I got up to brush my teeth and in my head the neon flashing words "self harm". I showered and could hear my therapist's voice resonating, "self harm, self harm, self harm, self harm, self harm"
When I open a bag of chips, I don't think of the triglycerides and artificial additives and think "self harm". When I sit and smoke my shisha, there is no booming voice of wisdom commentating on my actions, "self harm, self harm, self harm". I think "self harm", when I get wasted or when I cut myself. I didn't think "self harm" when I stayed in a badly ventilated lab and got intoxicated from formaldhyde fumes. I didn't think "self harm" when I drove my car and watched the fumes fusing with those of other cars. I didn't think "self harm" when I breathed these fumes. You don't think "self harm, self harm" when you have another cigarette, drink your morning coffee, pop some candy into your mouth. You think "self harm" when you see the scars on my arms, when you watch me drink till I fall flat onto my face, but you don't think it when I take my seroquel and have my morning coffee, and smile at you and life goes on, uninterrupted, quietly and complacently going on with my business. Smile, pain does not exist not even under the surface. There is no surface, there is no under. Another latte'? Another frappe' with extra cream?